I'd intended for my second entry in MI to be about stuff that's gone on here (including work stuff), but a few days passed and the 5 year 9/11 anniversary crept up on me and, well, ya know...
If you'd prefer to avoid a somewhat maudlin, fairly self-involved digression on the day (I'm sure the internet is full of them today), then don't click through to the full entry below.
I was working the second shift in a tech support job on 9/11/2001, and so was in bed in uncaring sleep when the first plane hit.
My boss (and friend) called me right after the second plane hit and told me to turn on my TV; he wouldn't explain anymore than that.
As I stumbled over to the TV in a groggy sleep haze and turned it on, my mind just refused to comprehend. The picture came on to footage of the second plane impacting. I didn't get it. Was this a movie?
When it finally sank in, I was just stunned. I don't think I fully grasped the events of that day for several days. My brain just couldn't comprehend it.
The first thing I did after that was spent a harrowing 20 minutes calling everyone I knew in the NYC area (I was born and raised there). None of them had any good reason to be in downtown NYC that day, but you never know. In the end, it turned out that an old friend of mine WAS in the area, but made it out ok (I didn't find out any of that until much later).
The events of that day shaped his life dramatically. I suggest you read about it in his own words. He came out with a reinforced belief in a philosophy of service I agree with wholeheartedly and wish I had the guts to follow.
I rushed into work and spent most of the day (like everyone else) in our NOC watching the news on the big screens in there or listening to CNN.com or NPR.org streaming radio.
I listened to both of those constantly for several days, convinced there was another shoe that was going to drop.
I listened with pride as our country came together, and our president spoke and yelled strong words. Words we needed to hear. Words of unity, words of vengeance. I thought that maybe we had the right leader at the right time.
Sadly, time has shown that leader to be a hollow, manipulative paper tiger. But this post isn't about my intense dislike of our reigning regime. I'll say only, "It could have been so much better..."
And now, five years later, I find myself still affected. That day in September impacted other people's lives far more than my own, but that doesn't mean it didn't impact mine.
It gave me a slightly wider view of life that I think has stood me in good stead and helped me through some tough times at work that were to come. It gave me a steadiness that only occasionally cracks. It changed my outlook on life and what I wanted from it that, with some delays, lead to meeting the love of my life and marrying her.
But it also had other effects. To this day, I cannot hear or see images about the events of that day without feeling a deep anger and even deeper sadness. I cannot even hear about incidents of self-sacrifice (especially regarding soldiers and public servants of all stripes) without feeling it.
I'm man enough to admit that more than a few seconds of exposure to it can bring tears to my eyes. I barely made it through the movie Farenheit 9/11 (especially the audio-only part at the beginning). It was just so much.
I think this is a pain, a sadness, a rage that many of us feel. And we express it each in our own way. It makes some of us sad, others more aggressive. It makes many constantly uncertain and scared on a deep level that they don't even realize.
It is, as they say, a national tragedy. One that we will continue to work our painful way through.
The sadness I know will fade with time. The anger I hope will.
But on this day, I still remember and feel it all like it was yesterday.
And I don't know that that's necessarily a bad thing.
Posted by Campbell at September 11, 2006 09:34 AM